I controlled everything I could and then lost pregnancy after pregnancy through no fault or action of my own. I spent countless hours lamenting the unfairness of it all. But over time I learned to be grateful for the lessons that all of these experiences taught me. The one I want to discuss again today is this one: Control is an illusion.
I used to have a lot of stress and anxiety in my life around what was going to happen in the future and it all boiled down to this: I was afraid. I lived in a mindset of fear and scarcity. I lived in survival mode and feeling safe and secure was my core need and driver in life. I tried to control everything, not able to acknowledge how many things are outside of my control, in my effort to meet that need. If you’re familiar with Maslow’s Hierarchy, which I had heard of in school but am only now starting to really understand, I was stuck on level 2.
I always had a plan for what was next in life and worked tirelessly towards checking the boxes that we’re told make for a successful life. I lived in preparation for that “some day” when I could relax and enjoy my life.
The irony is that only after I let go of that control of what my life “should” look like did I start to make life choices that allowed me to trust myself and The Universe to achieve true feelings of security, love, joy, and fulfillment.
And the life that makes me truly happy today – it doesn’t look anything like I thought it would 3, 5, or 10 years ago.
“Surrendering is the free-falling backwards into the unknown and trusting that The Universe will catch you.”
― Jen Sincero, You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life
Some things that helped on this journey:
Reading (and putting into practice) You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero and The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown.
Finding a therapist who knew how to ask the right questions at the right time.
Connecting with friends and family in an authentic way. Learning to ask for what I need and expecting reciprocity in relationships (increasing self-worth and breaking codependent cycles). This allowed me to truly meet the need of love and belongingness that Brene’ talks about and which represent Stage 3 on Maslow’s Hierarchy.
I started asking myself questions that would lead to my goal of Living My Best Life:
What would bring me joy today?
What would living in my values look like today?
What habits do I need to incorporate into my daily life?
How can I take care of myself today?
Who do I want to have in my life today?
How am I investing in my relationships today?
What am I grateful for today?
How can I learn and grow today?
And guess what I found? When you make authentic, joyful, giving, purposeful, intentional choices today: tomorrow takes care of itself. When you pour into yourself today with good habits and self-love, you build self-esteem (Maslow’s Stage 4) and begin to trust that you will have the strength and resilience to face whatever tomorrow brings.
When you step out of your comfort zone and find success, your confidence and comfort zone grows.
And so you surrender tomorrow’s challenges to tomorrow’s you, knowing that you are joyfully and intentionally creating the habits that support the version of you that will boldly embrace whatever journey The Universe has in store for you.
And until you have learned to trust yourself, please borrow some trust from me: No matter what has happened up to this point in your life, believe that The Universe has your back. Those hard times and failures were setting you up for your best life. The Universe is just waiting, patiently with it’s arms stretched wide, for you to show up and jump into that life.
All you have to do is take the first step in faith.
Learn more about Growing Your Comfort Zone in my new e-mail series.
“Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.”
― Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection
Believe Grow Glow 