I got my first positive pregnancy test 4 years ago. Today I want to share something I wrote in 2017 reflecting that experience.
Bleeding from ectopic pregnancy causes 10% of all pregnancy-related deaths, and it’s the leading cause of first-trimester maternal death. Learn more about Ectopic pregnancies here.
If any medical professionals ever read this: please don’t ever tell a pregnant woman under your care to go home and come back when the pain is bad enough that she’s willing to risk her pregnancy with further tests. Seriously. You’re underestimating how much a mother is willing to suffer to save her child. And if you aren’t an OB and a pregnant woman comes into your ER, go consult one. My experience was so much more traumatic than it had to be because of medical decisions made by the doctor who happened to be on staff when I went to the ER. Whoever is reading this – please do not be afraid to advocate for yourself and seek a second opinion. Unfortunately, we cannot always trust the judgement of those we seek treatment from. This is a lesson I had to learn again and again dealing with various medical issues over the last several years.
September 2017:
X and I met in November 2008. I had baby names picked out within weeks, though we only agreed on the girl name and after much debate over the next 8 years we settled on a different boy name.
We got married in May 2013. We had planned on having kids right after getting married, but then I made the decision to leave my job and those plans got put on hold. February 2014 – June 2015 I worked out of town and only saw X 2-3 days a week. Then I had my thyroid surgery and hormone issues to deal with. Definitely not the time to start a family.
In July 2015 I started a new job and in November 2015 we bought our second home. We decided Summer 2016 would be a good time to think about trying. In June 2016 my boss was fired and I was promoted into a stressful position and was working a lot. Again, baby plans were put on hold.
Summer 2017 was looking bright. I had a pretty good handle on my job and knew I’d have 9 months of pregnancy to make sure everything was set up for maternity leave. In January 2017 we joined a gym and started eating healthier so I could be in tip-top health before pregnancy. I lost 12 pounds and had never been stronger. In May/June we took a two week pre-baby trip to Europe and I went off of birth control. I read Taking Charge of Your Fertility (which I highly recommend) and started temping in July. We conceived that first cycle trying.
On August 28th I got my first faint positive home pregnancy test (HPT). By August 29th (4 weeks pregnant based on ovulation date) I had a “pregnant” on a digital HPT. Over the next few days I would take about 10 HPT just to reassure myself. I told X and we were ecstatic. We told our closest friends that weekend and planned to tell family after the first ultrasound and heartbeat.
On September 6th I woke up with terrible stomach/abdominal pain. It felt like the worst gas pains I’d ever experienced (and I’ve had some bad constipation/gastro issues). After an hour it was concentrated in the lower right abdomen. X took me to the ER. Due to my pregnant status, they were unable to give me any pain medicine except Tylenol and were unable to do a CT scan. The ultrasounds (US) showed nothing, which they said was not unusual for early pregnancy (HCG 1259) so they sent me home with instructions to rest because it could be a threatened miscarriage and to come back if the pain got worse.
September 6th – September 8th I sat at home in pain taking extra-strength Tylenol every 6 hours, but it didn’t help. I googled everything that could cause abdominal pain that wasn’t related to pregnancy. I convinced myself it was kidney stones (and peed in a cup every time in case I passed a stone), or a bladder infection, or diverticulitis. Anything that could co-exist with my pregnancy and mean the baby would be okay. In hind-sight I can see that I was just in denial and that denial put my life at risk.
By Friday night the pain was much worse and we went back to the ER. While in the waiting room I broke out in a cold sweat and almost blacked out. When they laid me on an exam table I couldn’t breathe and the pain was excruciating. They took me for an US and when the tech sent me to the attached restroom I could hear her call someone on the phone “I just want to give you a heads up, I’m seeing a ruptured ectopic.” When I was back in the room with X they told us my right tube had ruptured, my abdomen was full of blood and I needed emergency surgery.
They called in the on-call OB and surgical team. I went back for surgery at 2am. They saved the ruptured tube and released me from the hospital around noon. Pre-surgery HCG 2194.
After surgery I had to rely on X to do pretty much everything for me. I could barely walk/sit/stand on my own for days. I lost a lot of personal dignity. I had sworn X would never see me sit on a toilet, but I didn’t have a choice. For some that might be funny, but for me it mattered.
9/13 HCG – 1839. HCG was not dropping fast enough so the doctor recommended Methotrexate shot. I was not keen on getting the shot after everything I’ve read about it so we opted to do one more HCG test before agreeing to the shot. 9/15 HCG – 2126. I got the shot the afternoon of 9/16.
Most people say it takes a few days for the shot to take affect and for people to start experiencing side-effects. I went for my “day 4” HCG test on 9/19 – 2143. It is not unusual to see a slight increase on day 4 since the shot takes a while to be effective. I was scheduled for “day 7” testing, which would need to show a 15% decrease from day 4 to indicate the shot was working, on 9/22.
I woke up with severe abdominal pain at 4am on 9/20. I wondered if it was the cramping many people experience with Methotrexate, but after taking my oxy (prescribed for pain after the surgery) and applying a heating pad for an hour I knew it was another rupture. We got to the ER around 5:30am and I was in surgery again that morning. At the hospital I was told Methotrexate can cause an expansion and contraction of the pregnancy cells which can lead to rupture (would have been nice to know before hand). The right tube was swollen several times it’s normal size and damaged beyond saving. It was removed.
9/22 I was back in the ER due to having a fever over 100.4 and oozing from one of my surgical sites. They did a CT to rule out anything serious and prescribed antibiotics for infection. The OB on call was the one that did my original surgery. She informed me pathology came back from that surgery and nothing removed was pregnancy tissue – they had missed it entirely in the first surgery.
My pain, swelling, and bruising from the second surgery has been more severe than the first. I haven’t been to work in 4 weeks and probably won’t be returning for another 2-3. Luckily I have short-term disability and an awesome boss.
X and I have our first appointment scheduled with a therapist specializing in pregnancy issues/loss next Monday, 10/2. I joined an ectopic support group on Facebook. Everyone processes/handles it differently and reading other people’s stories isn’t helping me cope, but answering peoples questions makes me feel better. Probably because people answering my questions after the first surgery was the most helpful thing for me so it makes me feel better that I’m helping someone else that’s going through it.
I would have been 8 weeks today and due May 8, 2018. We had planned a Halloween themed announcement photo shoot because I would have been out of the first trimester on Halloween. My sister had already picked a date for a baby shower in March. Friends and family who had kids and knew we were trying soon had given us baby items they no longer used.
We had everything planned out. We did everything right. There is no understanding this.
Now I feel lost and anxious. I have so many questions that nobody can answer
- when will my HCG reach 0?
- when will my body regulate cycles and ovulate again?
- how bad will my pain be when I do menstruate again? Everything I’ve read says they are extremely painful after you lose a tube.
- how will I feel (physically and emotionally) when I’m able to have sex again?
- how will I feel emotionally when I’m physically able to try for pregnancy again?
- will I want to try again as soon as I’m physically able?
- how will only having one tube affect my chances of getting pregnant quickly again?
I was sympathetic to women I knew that had miscarriages in the past, but I never understood the depth of their pain until now. And I know I will face that same lack of understanding from others as I move forward.
Believe Grow Glow 