Transformation: Mindset

In 2019, as I was progressing through what I consider the most significant part of my personal transformation, I became obsessed with this song.  I listened to it on repeat and remember writing the lyrics down in my journal while sitting in my car before a therapy session.

They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy

They can say, they can say I’ve lost my mind

I don’t care, I don’t care, if they call me crazy

We can live in a world that we design

‘Cause every night, I lie in bed

The brightest colors fill my head

A million dreams are keeping me awake

I think of what the world could be

A vision of the one I see

A million dreams is all it’s gonna take

Oh, a million dreams for the world we’re gonna make

What I did not realize then, that I can see clearly now, was that I had made the following decisions/steps in my journey and it had fundamentally changed me.

• I had decided living my life authentically was more important than what other people thought.
• I was leaving behind the scarcity mindset I had grown up with and fully embracing an abundance mindset.

It was a difficult and confusing time for me as I gradually woke up to the reality that I had not been fully living my life. As I reflected and then intentionally set out to behave in a way that felt authentic to myself and the life I wanted to live [which, to lessen the fear I felt, I referred to humorously as #LivingMyBestLife] I, in a way, felt that I was coming up for air after years of drowning. The transformation was not without its difficulties and costs. There were a lot of hard truths to face and decisions to make, but I truly felt like I was living for the first time and that staying in my old life would kill me.

My husband at the time told me that I was not the woman he had married and he was right. Though I had never set out to deceive anyone, by living in a fear and scarcity mindset I was conforming to a life and choices that I believed would keep me safe. That included unknowingly betraying myself over and over to maintain a relationship so that I would not be alone. I believe my ex-husband had done the same. I discuss codependency in this post.

Two books that were key on this journey:

You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
by Brene Brown

As I read personal development books, I take notes and journal. It has also been helpful to go back and read these notes from time to time for a refresher. About 17 months after my first read of You Are a Badass I decided to read it again after recommending it to someone else. I was blown away by how much influence the book had on my current mindset and how acting on some of her action items had changed my life. Before the re-read I had been giving almost all of the credit for my transformation to The Gifts of Imperfection. 

When I started reading You Are a Badass in 2019 I put it down several times. Jen talks about spirituality, manifestation, and the Universe in ways that I had a hard time with at that point. I dismissed the book as kind of ‘woo-woo, hippy stuff,’ but kept going back to it despite myself. I was determined that something had to change and told myself so many other people could not be wrong so I just needed to get over myself and read it. It took me two months to get through it. Around that same time I joined a spirituality/personal development book club where I was introduced to Brene Brown and The Gifts of Imperfection.

Shortly after finishing Jen’s book I had a conference to attend. As a CPA, you are required to get 40 hours of continuing education every year. I had attended many such conferences at hotels in stuffy rooms with no windows. This conference was at a hotel in California overlooking a bay. I thought about Jen’s book and I decided I was going to give this manifestation thing a try. On the first morning of the conference I thought “Okay Universe, let’s try this:  All I want is a window in this conference room.”

Years of experience with conferences in hotels across the country told me that there would be no windows. Seriously, I cannot remember a single conference in my 10 years of attending events like this where there was a window. But as I walked to the meeting room section of the hotel I just kept thinking “All I want is a window.”

Every room I had a class in that week had one wall that was floor to ceiling, side to side, glass.

My mind was blown. I could not believe it. I did not realize it then, but everything started to change rapidly after that.

Upon returning from the conference I started reading The Gifts of Imperfection. Brene talks about spirituality being a core trait of what she calls “Wholehearted” people. I was not raised religious, but have always believed something was out there. In my loneliest moments as a child and when going through grief I would have conversations with this source/energy that I sometimes called God and now generally refer to as the Universe. Today I fully embrace the belief that the Universe has my back and everything works out for the best.

That does not mean that everything works out the way that I believe it should, or that it is always easy. I have been through trauma and grief that I would not wish on anyone, but I am grateful every day to be living the life that I have today. That life would not exist without those struggles. I would not exist without every beautiful and tragic moment that made me who I am today. Knowing that there is always light after the dark lessens the fear of future darkness. I know that no matter what happens there will be joy again. I live my best life intentionally every day and trust that the Universe has an abundant future laid out just waiting for me to take each right action on my path.

I took so many notes while reading these two books. I’d like to share some below:

You Are a Badass

• You are responsible for what you say and do. You are not responsible for whether or not people freak out about it.
• What other people think of you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
• People act poorly because they are in pain or confused or both.
• On the other side of your fear is your freedom.
• The people you surround yourself with are excellent mirrors for who you are and how much, or how little, you love yourself. 
• When you love yourself enough to stand in your own truth no matter what the cost, everyone benefits.
• The only failure is quitting. Everything else is just gathering information. 
• One of the best things you can do to improve the world is to improve yourself.
• Obstacles and challenges are the agents of growth.

The Gifts of Imperfection

• Owning our story can be hard, but not nearly as difficult as spending or lives running from it.
• Courage originally meant “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.” 
• The heart of compassion is really acceptance. The better we are at accepting ourselves and others, the more compassionate we become.
• Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.
• Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.