Last Saturday I competed in my first NPC Bodybuilding show in Bikini. Prep started in February and was a roller coaster of an experience. Going from having cheat meals on the weekends to a strict no-cheats diet was harder mentally than I had anticipated. About 6 weeks in I told my boyfriend that I was going to stick to this commitment, but I didn’t think I would ever do it again. A few weeks later I was over that hurdle and talking about doing another show 4 weeks after the first (which is still the plan, so I’m 3 weeks out from my next show today).
I work with Modern Thyroid Clinic in Austin, TX for my hypothyroidism, adrenal, and hormonal imbalances. I don’t take fat burners or cut carbs as drastically as competitors without these issues may. I discussed prep with my doctor, who has worked with other competitors, and shared her recommendations with my coach before starting prep. I never want to sacrifice the gains I’ve made in my health for the competition. Because of the limitations, my coach wanted to get me show ready early. The depletion fatigue and brain fog hit me early as a result of being ready early, but about 4 weeks out I started getting scripted refeeds every weekend. First pancakes, then steak and potatoes.
In May I hit a body fat percentage low enough that I stopped menstruating. This was expected in prep, but it still blows my mind that I achieved this level of body fat. My fitness goal was always to be fit, athletic, and tone. My body shocked me by how thin I got in this prep. My goal coming out of the shows is to gain weight to put on a good bit of muscle before doing another show.
Show day itself was also a roller coaster of emotions. You’re hungry, thirsty, tired, excited, nervous, and juggling a lot mentally. One of the best things about this show was competing with my boyfriend and some friends. I love my tribe and doing things with people is way more meaningful to me than it ever would be on my own. Getting to be backstage with my people was a blast. I loved that I got to step on stage one person behind my good friend and watch her take the stage for the first time from backstage. The highlights of the day are the off-stage moments with the people that mean so much to me who came to celebrate this achievement with me and my friends. I felt so loved and so much joy taking pictures with all of them before, between, and after the shows. Looking back on those photos fills me with love and gratitude.
It was hard not to place in any of my divisions this weekend. Honestly, it hit me much harder than I anticipated. My whole prep my focus has been only on myself, my effort, my progress, my achievement and goals. I didn’t compare myself to anyone because they aren’t me and I knew it would not put me in a good head space. Stepping on stage with my fellow competitors and opening myself up to judgement and comparison was hard. Not getting the first call out and having my coach confirm after prejudging that I wasn’t in the running for anything hurt. It let my inner critic tell me that I wasn’t good enough and didn’t belong there. I got off stage to texts and photos from friends and family, some of whom were watching on live stream because they weren’t able to make it, and I’m so grateful for all of their love and support. Those photos allowed me to see myself on stage and helped me feel better after not getting first call out by the judges.
It was hard to feel like doing all of that work still wasn’t good enough. I was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted from prep and the show. I cried a lot. But then I did the work to shut that inner critic down with reflection, perspective, and gratitude. The level of physical fitness I have achieved is more than I ever thought possible for myself and I’m only just getting started. My stage performance needs work, I went way too fast through my poses and routine, but for my first time on stage I’m still proud of what I accomplished.
In 2017 I started working out 3x a week to get healthier before getting pregnant. Between 2017-2018 I had 3 pregnancies and losses with varying degrees of weight gain and physical recovery. In 2019 I made the decision that I was committed to becoming a person who stuck to a regular workout routine. In June I joined Club Pilates. In October I joined Regymen Fitness and started going to the gym. By then I was working out 5-7 times a week.
In January 2020 I started working with a coach for lifestyle nutrition. By that point I had already dropped just over 20lbs. from my heaviest weight. I never imagined when I started that journey with him that it would lead me here. It was beyond my beliefs about my capabilities from a lifetime of being heavier and believing I was big boned.
Scrolling through those old check-ins I was reminded of the hurdles of 2020: gyms closing, injuries and PT from trying to take up running, then my hypothyroidism crash in August and battle to get the proper physician and medications while still training through the fatigue and muscle weakness for months. In 2021 I’ve still been dealing with injuries and doing physical therapy 2-3 times a week for the last few months along with prep.
Looking at those photos reminds me how far I’ve come and what I’ve had to overcome to get where I am today. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.
I am grateful beyond words for:
💞The amazing tribe of people in my life who have supported me through my worst days and are now celebrating my accomplishments with me.
💞The amazing tribe of people I’ve met in my fitness journey that I’ve gotten to train with and celebrate with.
💞How I feel, physically and mentally, living a fitness lifestyle.
💞Getting my health to a place that I was physically able to do this prep and competition.
💞Being in amazing physical shape and still only at the beginning of my journey.
💞Proving to myself that I have the dedication and discipline to stick to a 16 week meal prep and workout routine that pushed my body to its limits.
💞Having the confidence to get on stage and rock a tiny bikini.
Believe Grow Glow 